2015: (Mostly) Highs and (Scattered) Lows

Looking back at 2015:

January: Getting my first 3D printed minis from Hero Forge. Fragile, with detail equivalent to a mass-produced WotC plastic mini, but so, so cool to be able to customize the gear, face, hair, build, and pose. And they keep adding more options, including mounted figures. If only it didn't cost so much -- I hope that the production cost comes down over time.

Also added the Pixie hero class to Dungeonteller.

February: Another Dungeonteller hero class added: the Ranger, who comes with a choice of faithful animal companions. Two enormous expansions went live this month: Venture Hold, a huge Dungeonteller adventure with 8 eye-popping hand-drawn maps, and Big Hexyland 2, a sequel to my modular megahex campaign map set. A massive series of snowstorms here in New England gave me a captive audience for tons of gaming, as I ran my daughter and the neighbors through Venture Hold.

March: I hate March. I slogged through it working on...

April: ...MonsterMore, which went live this month. It included 13 new Dungeonteller monsters to supplement the dozens already available in the Monster Book. My favorites are the pitch dragon and the nimblewing, really proud of this book.

May: I was very much pumped to get busy developing Rock Opera '79 and did my usual avoid-burnout-tactic of alternating between the illustrations and the text. Managed to keep working on it through August but haven't done much with it since.

June: RPGs for parents-and-kids really came into their own this year, after a quiet build over the last few years. The popularity of small press games like Hero Kids has nudged bigger players like Monte Cook and WotC to re-skin their existing RPGs for the kid market (check out No Thank You, Evil! and Monster Slayers to see what I mean). I love both of these companies and envy their production values, but no thank you, Monty, and don't coast, wizards. Support kids' RPGs that have been made for kids from the ground up instead of watered-down junior versions of existing product.
July: Some people whose work I respect and admire walked out in a huff when some other people whose work I respect and admire won an award. Next time, let's keep it about the work and not about your personal feelings about the people who make it.
August: This really was the summer of discontent in the RPG world. A horrible game supplement appeared on DTRPG and we complained about it. It disappeared from the site and the site owner made plans to create a protocol for handling any subsequent complaints about offensive products. Then came the Lamentations of the Drama Kings, with grumblings about censorship that didn't acknowledge that this was happening on a for-profit, commercial site that had a right to refuse to sell products that would reflect badly on the site or on the hobby generally. I've been monitoring the story closely, and the number of did-I-mention-my-games-are-totally-edgy-and-NSFW that have been removed from DTRPG since are approximately zero.
September: A prodigal child returned this month, as Northern Crown: New World Adventures was Kickstarted to be retooled for Pathfinder. I have very little to do with it and no clue what the final product is going to look like but hope for the best. I got too busy running games to blog much about them. Enjoyed running a Usagi Yojimbo campaign using the Fuzion system (loved the setting, not crazy about the system)...
October: ...and a Marvel universe supers campaign using Dungeonteller.
November: I don't know where you went, November. I got back into miniature wargaming in a big way as a means of keeping myself occupied over the long winter...
December: ...and here at year's end I have enough terrain and Micro Armour to run some platoon-level wargames using a set of rules I'm developing, tentatively called Stars and Crosses.
I hope you had a great year in gaming and will find an even better one in 2016. 

The Devils of Dungeonteller

I like giving classic monsters a tweak or two. In Dungeonteller Fantasy RPG, orcs are the lowest ranks of the infernal army. I decided to tie my orcs to the original meaning of the Old English word "orc", which was "demon" or "devil." And so, Dungeonteller orcs are summoned by wizards as dim-witted, ferocious minions who stick around until slain or dismissed. When I'm GMing for my kid and her friends, I play up the orcs' lack of any instinct for self-preservation, perhaps related to the existential boredom of standing around for decades guarding someone's basement. When orcs talk among themselves, they share self-administered excruciating experiences they've had, in the manner of Christopher Guest's and Billy Crystal's Willie and Frankie characters from SNL. "Talk about painful..."
When an orc has survived for a few hundred years, it gets promoted to one-horned devil. The number of horns on your head symbolizes your rank in the hellish army. I got this idea from an Irish folktale called "The Witch of One Horn" that used to scare the Bejeebus out of me as a kid. One-horned devils are big lugs who can toss you aside with a flick of their horn or jab you with a perpetually red-hot poker. If they do well, they're promoted to two-horned devils, with barbed, prehensile tails, who act as both the jailers and border guards of the infernal regions. Three-horned devils are decidedly more intelligent. They are the front-line commanders and interrogators of the devilish legion.
Orcs are in the Dungeonteller Monster Book, which is bundled into the Dungeonteller Complete PDF set linked to above. The horned devils appear in the MonsterMore monster supplement. I'm sure there are more powerful devils with even more horns, but no Dungeonteller heroes in my campaign have even encountered the two-horned variety yet, so there's plenty of time.

Puzzled about Dungeon World

I have read through Dungeon World and the jargon made my brain hurt. I just can't get my head around how it actually plays. I know that some folks really love the game and I'm not questioning their enthusiasm for it, but before I make another attempt to understand it, I would like to know:

What existing flaw or limitation in traditional RPGs does Dungeon World address that makes it worthwhile to play? I'm not grasping its raison d'etre.

The Dungeonteller Con Squad is On the Move!

If you live in the midwest USA and are going to WinterWar, why not play some Dungeonteller hosted by David Thiel, out latest Dungeonteller Con Squad Captain?

The details:

Winter War: January 29-31, 2016 at the Hawthorn Suites in Champaign, IL.
Saturday 9 AM: Dungeonteller: The Terrible Tunnels of Turvog-Ti (4 hrs)Role Playing Game  |  Dungeonteller  | 6 of 6 Seats Left Newcomers Welcome  | All Ages (6+)  | $2.00

---

Presented By : David Thiel

Dungeonteller is an easy-to-learn fantasy RPG designed for kids and their game-curious grown-ups. experienced monster-bashers will enjoy it as well! Who is Turvog-Ti, and why does he annually invite adventurers to brave his twisted tunnels? Some believe he will bestow a valuable prize upon those who reach the bottom. Some believe that those other people are kidding themselves, and that Turvog-Ti's pets have grown hungry again since last year. Who's right? Will you find out? Will you be lunch?

Note that ages 6+ are welcome! Can your RPG do that?

For running the game, David is getting MonsterMore, Venture Hold, Big Hexyland, and Ultimate Hand-drawn Iso Counters FREE. A value of $14!

I hope all you Prairie Staters out there will bring your kids to game with David!

Teach Your Kids to Game Week!

If you have kids (or know where you can get some), force them to play RPGs using some of the fine products highlighted at DTRPG's Teach Your Kids to Game Week. Included are such favorites as Tiny Choking Hazards, Stop Making Friends With the Monsters and Just Kill Them Already, and probably Dungeonteller, a game I wrote to pay off some old gambling debts.

Superteller?

Haven't been posting much lately. Nothing's amiss. Quite the contrary -- I've been enjoying the lovely autumn weather here in New England, trying to squeeze a few more kayak outings and fishing trips in before winter closes down on this corner of the world and holds us in its gray, bony clutches until April. I also have a steady Sunday night game group now and the prep time, while not excessive, leaves me less time to post here. We are wrapping up our Usagi Yojimbo campaign tomorrow using the Fuzion rules set, which I had never used before. 

What I liked:

• The base Fuzion mechanic (rollover target number on 3d6+stat+skill) is easy to understand, even for the ten-year-olds and novice grownup gamers in the group.
• It's easy to add or ignore certain rules without breaking the game. One example, the Usagi rules add a combat stance option that's rock-paper-scissors in nature. I ignored it and no one noticed.
• The setting, class choices, race choices, and class/race abilities strongly evoke the half-cute, half-deadly anthropomorphic world of the comic book. Foxes, for example, can tell an outrageous lie once per game session that's guaranteed to be believed. Cats literally have nine lives. And rabbits can make a physics-bending leap. 

What I didn't like:

• Character creation is a series of point buys that novice players will find a chore. The skill list is very 90s, meaning it's too long. I knew from the start that I would have to canvass my players about their preferred class and species, then create their character sheets ahead of time.
• Unopposed skill checks are not very exciting for characters with medium to high skill levels. There are no degrees of success. I got around this by noting how widely a roll exceeded the target number and adjusting the degree of success accordingly.

As always, the kids get to choose the next campaign we play, and they have decreed that it shall be a superhero game set in the cinematic Marvel universe using Dungeonteller rules. My kid is going to play Stephanie Rogers, a gender-switched Captain America. Her buddy is Black Widow. My wife will be Nicki Fury, and the team will be rounded out with one or more of the following: Thor, Hawkeye, Spidey, or Hulk. I'll close with a sample set of character stats for a certain shield-hurling hero:

Luck 14

Armor 2 vs. Battle attacks

Armor 6 vs. Shoot attacks

Battle 12 (unarmed); +4 with shield

Make 1 +8 when making art

Muscle 10

Notice 7

Resist 5

Shoot 7 + 7 with shield

Sneak 2

Stunt 9

Talk 3

Powers

Battlefield Mastery: Warn your friends of incoming attacks before they happen. Roll your Notice dice. Everyone on your team gains 1 Armor until your next turn for each success you rolled.

Boomerang: You get your shield back automatically after making a Shoot attack, whether you score any successes or not.

Ricochet: Hit a second foe with your shield. If you score 2 or more successes on a Shoot attack using your shield, the shield hits the foe nearest to your target too, taking away 1 hit fewer than the number of successes you rolled.

Shield Block: You can use your shield to automatically block an attack. Spend 1 Luck. You automatically block a single Battle or Shoot attack.

Super Serum: You can’t be affected by poisons, drugs, or alcohol. You can go far longer without sleep or rest than a normal human.

Gear

shield, bulletproof duralumin armor, motorcycle

Another Paper Mini Design for Usagi: Kappa

The heroes are likely to meet some kappa in this afternoon's adventure, so I whipped up a paper mini design for them. My daughter is a mythical creature aficionado and knows at least two ways to get the better of a kappa. Do you?

Northern Crown for Pathfinder Kickstarter is a Go

A while back,Battlefield Press secured the rights from Atlas Games to reissue my two Northern Crown: New World Adventures books in Pathfinder-compatible form. They eventually launched a Kickstarter campaign and it seems to have reached its funding goal. Best of luck to all involved and hope it wins over some new fans. I have no creative stake and only a wisp of a financial stake in the venture but I'm following it with curiosity. Not too late to contribute towards some cool-looking stretch goals!

Magic, flintlocks, and pet monkeys.

[Paper Minis] Anthro Samurai

Prepping for a game of Usagi Yojimbo RPG tomorrow (the original Fuzion version), and needed some minis. Totally ignored the style of the comics because I'm not Stan Sakai and came up with these. Cat ninja, rabbit courtier, fox shugyosha, fox bounty hunter:

OK, DTRPG Put in a Reasonable Fix, Please Buy Lots from Them

So DTRPG is going to allow customers who choose to peek behind the Adult Content curtain to flag a product as offensive. Does that mean a lone pearl-clutcher will be able to torpedo a product that gives them the willies? No. Does it mean that Steve Wieck will have to make some judgement calls? Yes. He can do that. It's his web site. It's not a First Amendment issue and it's not censorship. DTRPG is not a public service, although it dominates the market to the degree that it's easy to forget that. You don't have a right to be picked up by a distributor if they think your work doesn't reflect well on them as a brand. Dry your tears and go spend some money on games that make you happy. I just did.

I Won't Buy From DTRPG Until They Fix Their Broken Submission System

A vile, tasteless RPG product with a rape-as-sport theme appeared on drivethrurpg.com in recent days. It's been pulled from their catalogue, and rightly so. I hope that DTRPG finds its Ioun stones quickly and states categorically that they will not allow further submissions from publisher Scorched Urf' Studios or author Chris Field to be posted without careful vetting. As a DTRPG publisher myself, I know that once your first product submission has been given a look-over, you can submit more material without waiting for a live human to approve it. And that must work for them nearly all the time, because most of what's for sale there is fine, and they have hundreds of titles added every year. It's almost certain that this piece of misogynist garbage was made public with no human intervention. The author and publisher have a deep catalog of PDFs at DTRPG (including "Busty Extreme! Busty Magic Hentai", a copper best-seller I might add), and most seem to be harmless middle-of-the-road character class expansions or from the "Adventurer Essentials" series, which tells us what we can do with lanterns, rope, and holy water. What DTRPG needs to do is immediately own that it screwed up and that its approval process for submissions needs to be revamped. No dorm-room philosophical discussions about free will, no wait and see, just own it and fix it. Their tweets on the matter so far don't give me high hopes, though.

Get Northern Crown as Part of a Bundle of Holding Deal and Help Kids Read Good

Once upon a time a man wrote a roleplaying game about an alternate history colonial America with supernatural and horror elements. No, it wasn't Colonial Gothic. Or that Witch-Hunter book. Screw those guys. The name of the book was Superpresident Thomas Jefferson Beats Up Charles II while Dangling from a Burning Airship over New Amsterdam. Plus Paul Bunyan. Or maybe it was Northern Crown: New World Adventures. Anyhow, several people purchased the two hardcovers to prop open attic windows and the digital files were hidden in a Masonic vault beneath the Oval Office. Until now.

If you have a yen for gonzo alt-historical RPGs, there's a Bundle of Holding you need to get your hands on: BUNDLE OF THE AGES +2. Northern Crown is too refined for the basic bundle and is only available in the bonus deluxe bundle — NO RIFF-RAFF PLEASE. Ten percent of the proceeds will go to Redding is Fundamental, which I'm pretty sure is an advocacy group that educates people as to the crucial role that Noel Redding played as bassist for of the Jimi Hendrix Experience. A small remittance will go to the author as well, allowing him to continue to enjoy the lavish lifestyle typical of the third-party RPG author/illustrator. Thanks in advance.

HURRY STAR BLAZERS THERE ARE ONLY FOUR DAYS LEFT.

[Iso Battle Map] Fan-Submitted Battle Map

Blue Boxer Rebellion fan Gonzalo Diéz Mata has been building dungeons using my Ultimate Hand-Drawn Iso Battle Maps PDF and was gracious enough to let me share some of his work. I'm impressed with the amount of craft and care that went into making these. It's wild that his dungeon has no dead space -- every square is developed. He used the "low wall" option to indicate walls between rooms. A little colored pencil or crayon on the walls would make it easier to see the shape of each room, I think. Thanks Gonzalo!

[Big Hexyland Redux] The Jade Coast

Sample page from Big Hexyland: Jade Coast physical map and matching node map.

The numbers suggest travel time in days to traverse.

Sandboxigons Map Template

Don't settle for hexagons. This node crawl template uses octagons instead so that you can connect neighboring zones with all points of the compass. Get your free sandboxigon template here: (links to PDF download).

Blank template

Example of a completed map

Rock Opera '79 Playtesting

Some shots from my kitchen table of a rock battle in progress. The game mechanic is working great, which frees me up to develop the milieu, the maps, the illustrations.

Testing out the tribal cool powers.

When the stack gets high, you rock harder.

Feedback is not a good thing.

That Time I Used Second Life as a Virtual Tabletop

Presented without comment.

How I Make City Maps

1. Make a list of locations for the city and don't worry about where they are in relation to each other yet. Pretend you're writing a travel article about the top must-see places in the city and come up with a name and a one-paragraph blurb for each one.

2. Write each location on a strip of paper (or make it a text element in a program like Adobe Illustrator) and arrange the locations in relation to one another. The feel and function of each place will suggest its proximity to several others.

3. Once you've got the locations set, draw bubbles that enclose two or more locations that seem to share common themes. The thieves' guild, the pawn shop, the illegal fighting pit, and the not-quite-legitimate surgeon might make a good group. Congrats, you just made a neighborhood. Let's call it Lookout Alley, as in, look out if you go there at night.

4. The narrow spaces between the bubbles suggest borders between neighborhoods, defined by natural or human-made structures: main streets, canals, walls, chasms, rivers... Go ahead and label them as such.

5. Any big empty spaces between bubbles must be empty for a reason. Are they lakes, swamps, royal palaces, market squares, burned-out areas, cemeteries, hills, harbors?

6. Where are the shops, inns, guard houses, etc.? Who cares? Legal amenities and public services usually don't make a secret of themselves. You can just add them to the map whenever a PC needs to find one. What's cool is that if the inn or guard house is in Lookout Alley, you already have some idea of what sort of character it would have.

7. Last thing, make a map to the best of your ability that corresponds to your schematic but don't label anything. That's for the players to explore. Fancy lads like me will scan the map and superimpose the schematic on top of it.

Schematic overlaying city map.

[Free Iso Dungeon Maps and Adventure] Welcome to the Plunderdome

High time to give a little bump to Welcome to the Plunderdome, my classic fantasy adventure and its jaw-dropping iso maps. I wrote this adventure and drew the maps for my own game group a few years back, and it's all available for free. The stats are written for my Dungeonteller Fantasy RPG rules set, but the adventure can easily be adapted to your favorite RPG system.

And the maps look like this.

You can download the entire adventure here.

You can grab just the maps here.

I also have the maps for the planned-but-never-published sequel, The Deeps of Chaos, here. This is one of the Deeps of Chaos maps. Enjoy.

[Rock Opera '79] Adventure Module Teaser

Rock Opera '79 will come bundled with a full length rock opera adventure. Here's the blurb for it:

RUMBLE IN THE BEMUSEMENT PARK: a Rock Opera ’79 Libretto

Can the band get their hands on Count Popula’s enormous organ?

Count Popula was once the biggest thing on televid. His wholesome music variety show had the citizens of the New Frontier on the edge of their vinyl seats every Saturday night at 8. After daring to book some rock acts on his show, the Count was cancelled, and his showbiz days were done. He sank his fortune into an amusement park on the outskirts of Disctopia that was shuttered by day, open by night. Count Popula’s Scarecastle was a place of dazzling lights and disorienting carnival rides, suffused with the far-out tones of an unseen electro-organ, said to be played by the Count himself from a secret studio somewhere beneath the park. The teens who grew up on his show came in droves to dig the trippy scene. But rumors of guests gone mad and glimpses of shadowy figures tending the rides amid the glare soon had the youth of the city running scared. It became more of a dare than a date to pass the park’s gates. Attendance slowed to a trickle, and then, nothing, and one by one the lights winked out, and the organ was silent.

It is the year 1979. The lights have flickered on again, and the organ is playing once more — a haunting tune drifting through the abandoned park. Is the Count still tickling the keys? Has someone else discovered his secret studio? Recruited by members of the rock rebellion, the band must brave the haunted park, beating scavengers, burglars, and rival bands to the punch to uncover the mystery and retrieve a most prodigious organ that's even more than it seems.

This is an adventure that will take a group of 3–5 novice rock heroes from 0 Fame to 4 Fame. It includes a keyed map, printable battle mats, and print-and-cut counters for the heroes and their foes. The ideal introduction to the world of Rock Opera '79.

[Dice Table] Fantasy Market and Vendor Generator

Here's a dice table that allows you to quickly generate a market/bazaar and any vendors you encounter there.

Download PDF here.

Or just read on...

MARKET GENERATOR

 Occurrence:

1–2      Unique

3–5      Irregular

6–9      Periodic

10–20  Permanent

Unique: An improvised sale that just happens to be going on here and now. Come back tomorrow and it will be gone, never to return.

Irregular: Think “swap meet”. The market is open when a number of vendors in the area agree to sell or trade to one another and to any friendly locals. It’s a whenever-we-feel-like-it affair, maybe even a chance meeting of two or three vendors.

Periodic: Think “flea market”. The market is open once every so many days, or seasonally. Periodic markets are often tied to important social events or to seasonal availability of the goods being sold.

Permanent: Think “shopping mall”. The market is always occupied. Permanent markets usually have sturdier, more durable structures, with doors and windows that can be secured when the market is closed.

Number of vendors:

1–2      1 vendor

3–10    1d4+1 vendors

11–19  1d6+5 vendors

20        1d8+11 vendors

Density

1– 6     Sparse

7–14    Below Capacity

15–18  At Capacity

19–20  Above Capacity

Sparse: A nearly deserted market, with perhaps 2 or 3 empty spaces for every vendor present.

Below Capacity: The market has 1 empty space for every 2 or 3 vendors present.

At Capacity: The market is full or nearly so.

Above Capacity: Excess vendors are squeezed into odd corners or sharing spaces intended for a single shop.

Business

1–4      Dead

5–8      Slow

9–17    Busy

18–19  Booming

20        Panicked

Dead: No customers in sight. Vendors may fight over you.

Slow: Number of vendors is roughly equal to number of customers in the market.

Busy: Customers comfortably outnumber vendors. You’re always in sight of at least another customer or two.

Booming: Far more customers than vendors. Aisles/public ways are fully occupied but passable.

Mobbed: Customers are thronging the market to the point where it’s nearly impossible to move. It’s pickpocket heaven.

Arrangement

1–7      Haphazard

8–14    Staked

15–20  Dedicated

Haphazard: Vendors are set up everywhere, with few or no marked public ways and no formal division of vendor spaces.

Staked: Vendor space is marked with stakes, painted lines, rugs, ropes, or other impermanent boundaries, with some effort to provide public ways for customers. Reapportioning the market space would take minimal effort.

Dedicated: Vendor spaces are permanently defined by stalls, stone railings, niches, or other structures that would need to be demolished n order to reapportion vendor space.

Vendor Rights:

1–8      Free

9–12    Licensed

13–14  Market Association

15–18  Leased

19–20  Monopoly

Free: Anyone can set up shop for free. Spots might be first-come, first-served, or there might be an understanding that longstanding vendors have first dibs. Arguments over space might be common if the market is above capacity. Security varies by shop.

Licensed: A vendor needs a license from a local authority to operate in the market. It might be a simple matter of presenting yourself to the license giver, or providing some sample wares to attest to their quality, or there might be a license fee or bribe required.

Market Association: Anyone can set up shop providing they pay a fee to a non-profit market association that provides security, cleanup, and maintenance for all vendors.

Leased: The market property is owned by a for-profit venture that makes money leasing market space to vendors, in exchange for keeping the place more or less safe and tidy.

Monopoly: Regardless of the number of vendors, they are all employees of the same entity and any profits or expenses ultimately come in or go out of the same purse. The owner of the monopoly is responsible for cleaning and protecting the marketplace.

Vendors

You can generate individual vendors using these tables, regardless of what the vendor is actually selling.

Type of Goods

1          Melee Weapons

2          Ranged Weapons

3          Armor

4          Potions

5          Scrolls

6          Gems

7          Standard Magic Items

8          Adventure Gear (rope, lanterns, lamp oil, etc.)

9          Cooked food

10        Raw foodstuffs

11        Intoxicants

12        Personal services (grooming, medical, massage, etc.)

13        Banking, moneylending, moneychanging, appraisals, or pawn shop

14        Instruments, gizmos, and toys

15        Clothing

16        Containers, vessels

17        Ironmongery (nails, chain, locks, keys, hooks, utensils, etc.)

18–20  Unusual (see the Unusual Goods appendix at the end of this document)

Stock Level

1–4      Sparse

5–8      Gaps

9–18    Full

19–20  Overstocked

Sparse: The vendor’s space is nearly empty of goods. The cause could be any combination of high demand and low supply. Chances that the vendor has what you’re looking for in her category of goods is 1/10.

Gaps: Noticeable gaps in the merchandise. You can find what you’re looking for about ½ the time.

Full: Shelves are full of goods. Odds of you finding what you’re looking for are 9/10.

Overstocked: The vendor has more items in stock than can be displayed at once. If it’s not on the shelf, she’s got one “in back.”

Quality of Goods

1–4      Shoddy

5–12    Serviceable

13–16  Quality

18–19  Masterwork

20        Luxury

Shoddy: The goods here are likely to give you a penalty to skill attempts when used. They might even break. This may also include used goods that have seen a lifetime of wear.

Serviceable: Reasonably well-made goods that will serve as needed but aren’t made with any particular care.

Quality: Goods that are well-crafted, with attention to detail, and provide a small bonus when used by someone skilled in their use.

Masterwork: The goods for sale here are exemplary, showing the highest degree of skill in their manufacture. For skilled users of these goods, they provide a significant bonus to skill or performance.

Luxury: As masterwork, but they look ornate, with exquisite embellishment and detail. The very best.

Prices

1–4      Low

5–16    Fair

17–20  High

Low: Knock a little off the standard price for this vendor’s goods. Maybe they want to get rid of inventory, out-compete another vendor, or they just don’t know what their goods should be valued at.

Fair: Prices are by the book.

High: Prices are higher than listed, either due to high demand or because the vendor thinks you’re all suckers.

Sales Approach (add +1 for quality, +2 for masterwork, and +3 for luxury quality goods)

1–4      Hawker

5–8      Hard Sell

9–12    Soft Sell

13–18  Neutral

19+      Cool

Hawker: The vendor tries to persuade you to buy something, anything. She might pull you off the street or put goods in your hand.

Hard Sell: The vendor will steer you towards the most expensive item whether it’s right for you or not.

Soft Sell: The vendor makes suggestions and admits when something isn’t right for you. The pressure to buy is there, but subtle.

Neutral: The vendor is there to take your money, keep the goods in order, and make sure no one steals anything. She won’t talk to you unless you talk first.

Cool: You’re not good enough to shop here. The vendor might consider you unworthy of her attention, and you will find yourself buying something just to get on her good side.

Appendix: Unusual Goods List

1          Ghosts of cats, dogs, and other pets

2          Venoms milked from live animals and vermin while you wait

3          Animated skeleton warriors

4          Bonsai treants and ropers

5          Prosthetic clockwork limbs

6          Luminescent slime lanterns that are powered by table scraps

7          Altimeters and compasses

8          Magic candy (bubble gum of levitation, peppermints of protection from fire, atomic fire balls of dragon breath, spider climb taffy, pixy stix of revealing)

9          Pocket-sized dairy animals

10        Looseleaf potion teas and tisanes

11        Scrolls of puffery that write exaggerated accounts of the owner’s exploits

12        Animated disposable arrow-fodder mannekins

13        Liar’s gear (Return-teleport gold coins, crooked dice, you-dictate forged passes, self-aware card decks)

14        Mystery eggs from unknown animals

15        Remaindered love potions that make the imbiber love worms, drum solos, Brussels sprouts, the color blue, or knock-knock jokes

16        Odd socks

17        Bottled sounds (some pleasant, some cacophonous)

18        Copies of today’s newspapers from various outer planes

19        Spectacles that allow you to see a fixed time interval into the past (5 minutes, 1 hour, 1 year, 1 century)

20        Fill-in-the-blank curse scrolls that require you to choose adjectives, verbs, numbers, and nouns before opening the scroll and directing the curse on someone. (“May you continually ooze (sticky substance) from (body orifice) that attracts (annoying insects), and may you be compelled to shout the word (flavor of ice cream) anytime someone says “Cool.”)